So yes, my thoughts lately have been negative. I feel so angry inside. Angry at the world for not giving me the answers that should come from inside... yet I keep looking at the world and blaming it. I just want to figure out what the hell I want to do career wise and JUST GO FOR IT. Sounds easy - right? I've been on college's websites and looking at programs and what kinds of jobs they lead to, to see if they can help point me in the right direction. Remember in high school when you took the stupid test that printed out on the dot matrix printer what jobs you'd be good at ?!?! They told me to be an accountant. HA! I SUCK ASS at math...
lol
I think they also suggested a musian or psychologist... no wonder there are so many students in psych programs around the world - the stupid dot matrix printer told them to! So that is my conclusion.. that's where my anger is... towards the damn printer.
Anyway - I'm keeping my feet on the ground but I feel like I keep stumbling. I wish things would clear up and I could go get what I want... once I figure it out getting it is the easy part. I'm good at that part. My indecisivness has reached a maximum and I am actually sick of it. I want to know. I need a bright light and God to come walking out from it and say "Christine... go do ____" or something. I told Sean tonight to pick a profession and I'd do it.. because I just feel so lost. I know I'll get by. Doesn't this ever end?
My job still sucks. Now talk around work is that someone's pay was cut because of budget concerns within the company... not because of performance. What bull shit. Who the hell cuts pay because of something they fucked up?!?! It's so rediculous. I have to look at all the admin people not vomit on them... it's hard. I know this sounds aweful but remember this blog is for venting.. so thigns are a little better than this. I love the kids I get to work with. One of them they just pulled me from so they can put me on two new kids that are new to the agency... I already miss her and stopped by today to give her new aide some tips. I wish I could bring each of these kids with me as I move along... kinda like Briana. Man I still miss her :(.
So I'll sit at the computer and listen to our iPod music (which rocks!) and search for an answer...
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4 comments:
hang in there girlfriend. you are still so young and have endless opportunities. It's just letting time take its course ya know? time is a virtue...and wishing for the days to pass by might just be a waste. live it up everyday....even if you aren't crazy with what you are doing. live it up in a different way you know? your job is not your life (at least it better not be)...and you have so much going for you! you're a great person...and we all know that. keep your chin up christine! this soon will all pass.....
ps. you can come to new york and join all the ipodders if you so choose? i would love a visit:)
i say lets just crawl into a ball and wait for armaggedon. that'll solve all our problems(at least mine)
great will. reaaaaal great. i think you need to work on your encouragement skills ya know?
Armaggedon? That's funny! LOL! But, not very encouraging...
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